poisonwood's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- we were different, completely I went for a run two hours ago, and I'm still feeling sick. It's so hot out; obviously I'm going to have to not run at noon anymore. I went with a friend of mine from Malaysia who was completely unaffected by the heat. He didn't even break a sweat! I, meanwhile, felt like my head was turning into a ball of fire, and I'm now still feeling weak and a bit nauseaous - and it was only an easy 4-mile run. 1:38 p.m. - May. 27, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- high school Not surprisingly, my high school is not on the nation's list of the top 737. This is not surprising, given that it was largely based on AP tests and such, and the vast, vast majority of people in my school take no AP tests, and even the top students very rarely take more than one. That's OK, though. I think I was as well-prepared for college as most people at Georgia Tech. 8:54 a.m. - May. 27, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a mirage What's it like when the guy you like, and you thought liked you, starts table-dancing with another girl? Just ask me; I know all about it. I just get attached to people too easily. When I was young, and we'd go visit my aunts, uncles and cousins in Ireland, I'd grow so fond of them in just a few days or a week, and I'd absolutely cry my eyes out when we had to leave. Leaving New York after visiting my grandparents was always awful; I'd cry myself to sleep the last two nights we were there. I've grown better, more heartless, as I've grown older, but I still form attachments quickly and strongly. This is proving catastrophic as far as relationships go. Guys I shouldn't be that attached to "steal my heart" when I don't know them that well, and shouldn't be trusting them. 6:51 p.m. - May. 25, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- running for their lives I participated in the Relay for Life last night. It was a strange and not entirely good night. It was one of those nights when I just wished I could be more outgoing and bubbly and friendly and laughing. That I could just be normal and natural around people I'm not best buds with instead of shy and awkward. I know I'm better than I used to be, but it's just not good enough. I guess after 18 hours with very little sleep, I'm tired and discouraged. I get all excited about things, and then it all just crumbles around me. If I could just stop getting excited and hopeful, I wouldn't be so disappointed. 1:18 p.m. - May. 24, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- spring evenings 'So did you do anything your mother wouldn't approve of?' When I start writing I usually reflect on the state of my life and talk about whatever is particularly striking to me at the moment. Today I can't write without a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about the research that I haven't been doing. Enough of that, though, and back to what I was thinking before research crossed my mind. I love Stanford in the Spring. It's so nice and bright after dinner, the sun just barely setting and a perfect 75 degrees. I feel all relaxed because I haven't started worrying about homework yet. I stroll back to Cromem at a leisurely pace and then stop and laugh a little as I see Stephanie and the guy who has a crush on her coming back from their first "date" - dinner at the eating clubs. He is from Slovenia and he's been following her around ever since they met one night at Q-Cafe. I feel in on the whole thing since I was there when they met and for most of their early meetings. It's very cute. Then I go upstairs and chat with my Chinese hallmates who are all eating dinner in the foyer. Now I sit in my room typing, listening to the hum of the fan, and anticipating curling up on my couch to finish reading The Awakening. I wish these times could last forever. 7:41 p.m. - May. 21, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- vote for the monkey, pal my friend sarah is in the running to win a free vacation. in order to win, the general must vote a picture she took of a monkey as the coolest of a bunch of pics. so, if you'd like to help, go here and vote 5 for her monkey and 1 for everyone else. (i think i need to get one of these phones!) 11:33 a.m. - May. 21, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- when the day is done Well, last night was the famous Moonlight on the Bay, or the Boat Dance, or Midnight on the Bay, depending on who you talk to. It was a lot of fun. I was afraid it would be a real let-down after a month of buildup. Maybe it is a bit of a let-down today, now that it's over. Nick and Stephanie and I had a very nice dinner at 5:30 at a tiny little Italian restaurant in Palo Alto. The service was awesome, and my meal, some kind of ravioli with Gorgonzola sauce, was awesome. It was also nice to hang out with Nick and Stephanie. Then we all headed over to catch the bus together - a huge Cromem crowd. Abhinav, naturally , was late, and ended up sprintint over in his suit to catch the bus. He also forgot his ticket and had to talk his way onto the boat! I was so mad; I was like, Are you nuts??? How could you forget it after I bought it for you? Then Nick almost lost his, too! I was getting a bit frazzled. We had a nice drive into town. Again, I was mostly chatting with Nick and Stephanie. Steph ended up hanging out with the EEs on the boat, though. We have to talk as I want to know what funny stories she has to share. The rest of us walked around the boat, and stood outside in the night air admiring the San Francisco skyline. It was really beautiful and just incredibly cool to be out there with my friends under the stars. After a while we went inside, and Nick bought me a Long Island ice tea, which, apparently, is quite alcoholic. This is the only drink I had all night, but I was well on my way. Immediately after I got the drink, I saw Abhi. He gives me the dubious look and I tell him it's just coke (joking) and he gives me a look of complete and utter disgust. Lovely. The whole Cromem group ended up dancing in a circle, and people would go into the middle of the circle to show off. I was really impressed with how some of my friends, particularly, Josh and Abhi, can dance. Nick can also dance, but I expected this. Nick and I ended up dancing for a good part of the night. We may have been dancing questionably close. I may be getting flak from my dormmates about this for the rest of my life. Priscilla and Abhi may never look at me the same way, having now seen comfirmation of drunken, evil behavior. Oh well. It was a lot of fun. Now I am trying to study for my midterm tomorrow. Actually, I'm printing out homework solutions so I can feel productive without actually doing anything. 12:21 p.m. - May. 18, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dinner and dancing today i was asked out at dinner for the second time. this time i kind of saw it coming. the last time, albert asked me to some kind of classical music event, and i was completely caught off guard. this time, i was talking with ___ about the dance tomorrow night, and he says, 'so we will go together then?' i said, 'you're welcome to join our group.' in a nice and friendly manner which hopefully made clear that i'd love to be friends but am not interested in more, which is more or less the truth. it's kind of flattering when these things happen, but why is it never the guy i like who asks me? i am excited about tomorrow night, though. i basically asked a bunch of friends, male and female, and any guys who i might possibly be interested in. i think this was a very good strategy, as i should have plenty of people to keep me distracted! in our group is: priscilla, albert, james, josh, scarlett, rhea, rohit, stephanie, nick, abhinav, abhi, and now e. i'm excited about hanging out with nick. :) we'll have to see how that goes. 9:55 p.m. - May. 16, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- did you see the lunar eclipse? i'm in a bad mood because i did poorly on the last probability homework, and abhinav did about 10 points better than me despite the fact he didn't start the homework until the day it was due. grrr! am i thick as a brick or what? we also have a probability test tomorrow, and a midterm in aa271a on monday and i just really don't feel like studying for them. i'm stressed out and it's making me unhappy. i need to work harder. why am i such a slacker? we had our second-to-last dance class tonight, which was a lot of fun. i'm definitely not good, but i'm getting better. if i dance with a guy who knows what he's doing, it's all good. if not, sometimes things go to pieces. i really didn't feel like going, but ended up having a really good time. saturday is moonlight on the bay! i'm really looking forward to it. 10:46 p.m. - May. 15, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- breakers faux pas today at dinner this guy was talking about virgnia (the state) and he said, "the weird people come from western virginia." now, i'm forever trying to share with people how wonderful southwest virginia can be, so i got annoyed and said, "that's where i'm from, so watch your mouth." now i feel all bad; i could have expressed what i wanted to say in a much different way. what i said was rude and unpolitic. erg. now i'm going to feel all uncomfortable until i see this guy again and make sure it's all good between us. sometimes i just say stuff without thinking. i really need to not do this. i've been watching aa271a lectures until i'm losing my mind. i'm averaging three a day. it's all good though; i'm starting to catch up. 7:54 p.m. - May. 14, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- reason will not lead to solution I found out this morning that two friends of mine are kind of "getting together" if you will. It's cute; I'm excited for them. Meanwhile I'm pursuing my own romances and procrastinating as usual. I skipped lab meeting today; I just didn't feel like going. I'm having a really hard time motivating myself in general lately. I'm excited about non-academic parts of my life, and yet I have all this academics to keep me busy the majority of the time. Susan and I are continuing to lift twice a week, and I think I'm actually starting to get a bit stronger and more muscular. It really makes me feel good. We look so funny sometimes, though, lifting these tiny weights with our spindly arms. Not spindly for long, baby! 8:48 p.m. - May. 13, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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