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.

This is so sad. The moral I picked up:

You think 'Maybe I should have phoned him after the race just to see how he was doing.' But we wanted to give him some time."

If somebody's had a tough time, I guess giving them time is maybe not the best idea. Maybe making them know they're loved is better. I'm not trying to be sanctimonious, just take a lesson for life.

1:40 p.m. - Feb. 23, 2004

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i got a new complaint

Yesterday was a great day. It puts me a bit behind for the week, but it's also probably more or less the last hurrah of the quarter given impending quals, exams and research. K made me a meal around midday, which was very interesting because I got to see him cook and note that we don't even consume eggs the same way. We then headed on a rambling, wandering route to Santa Cruz which took us in a few circles and also led to the discovery of a totally remote babbling brook. At Santa Cruz, it was freezing, so I invested in a cute sweater with an octupus on it to keep warm. We wandered on the pier and beach, and walked across the beach to a bit of a headland. Anyway, the details are boring, but suffice it to say that it was a lovely, lovely day.

On Saturday, I hung out with Stephanie and went to a friend's party. Now I'm dreading going to my exercise class, for various reasons, but mostly because I'm just lazy.

9:09 a.m. - Feb. 23, 2004

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it's getting harder and harder to breathe

It is 4pm, I have been sleeping for the past 3 hours, and I am only starting to feel human once again. After getting up at 3am California time yesterday before 8, yes eight interviews in chilly but chipper Baltimore, I spent 11 hours getting back home. (Never fly through Chicago. NEVER. That is if you have any ambitions of getting home within a few hours of your planned arrival time. That is all I have to say.) I tumbled into bed for 9 lovely hours, then hauled myself and in a dazed state finished my lin. dyn. systems homework. I turned it in, did a dance of victory in noting that I'd beaten the TA who picks up the homework (due the previous day) and cycled home triumphantly. This was a bright spot in a very depressing morning. There's something about a huge mess (my room), extreme fatigue, homework and a Saturday morning that is an unhappy combination. Mixed into this was a brief incoherent exchange with K who stopped by on his way to plan cricket (my response: 'Have fun playing tennis.' as I stood there squinting oily-faced).

But now, like I said, I'm feeling a bit better, almost able for the approaching week.

4:04 p.m. - Feb. 21, 2004