poisonwood's Diaryland Diary

Date: Jan. 07, 2009 . Time: 2:02 p.m.

more notes on grandma Entry:


more notes on grandma

I found out yesterday that being in a hospice can mean not taking fluid or food via tubes. I was not aware of this. I knew it meant treatment to manage pain only, but I didn't realize fluids were not provided unless taken by mouth. My Grandma is asleep, or was last time I talked to my Dad, and she will most likely never wake up again. Last night I went to dance, and when I got thirsty I couldn't stop thinking about my Grandma being thirsty and no one giving her anything to drink. Given that she's asleep, I'm sure she's not feeling anything, but it still breaks my heart. I rediscovered my journal last night, which I hadn't written in for more than a year (which indicates that last year was amazingly angst-free. I can't remember a single fight with B.) I can't imagine how hard this is on my mother. She is the most stoic person I know and will never tell how hard it is or isn't.

Last night I started thinking about her and my Grandpa, who died 9 years ago (12/16/99). I was in Ire*land. That was very sad, too, but a long time coming. This is different in that it's totally out of the blue. I expected to have a lot more time with Grandma, but that was foolish, given her age. I have all the usual regrets. I was pretty good about keeping in touch, but I wish I'd been better. I wish I'd written and called more and sent more pictures. If you have a living grandparent you're close to, my advice would be to send them a letter and some pictures or if that's not your thing, give them a call.

2:02 p.m. - Jan. 07, 2009


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